You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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