he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
