he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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