You're my little dorito
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
just tell him i said nine months
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
