my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
