Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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