I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
This house was built for laser tag.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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