I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
