I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
