her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
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