she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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