that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize