Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
