It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
