you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Randomize
