We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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