your parents love me but you hate me
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
