I look better un-naked...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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