i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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