im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
As shirtless as possible
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
