Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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