Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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