You really coming over, don't trick.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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