you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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