i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
