grandma shit on top of the toilet
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
