fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
