I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it was like his penis was on wheels.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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