Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
