I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize