dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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