Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
