dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We have started to decorate penises.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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