I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
