I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
