she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Randomize
