I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
