She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize