I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
