we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
