there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
