at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
