dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
