ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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