I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
