I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
