Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
