Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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