drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
