i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
