Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
