Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
