he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
