Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
