why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
