never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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