What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
