I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
