I want to walk on stilts...naked
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
