woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
