Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
