Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
