the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize