did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
