Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
