I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
