The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
